The University of Maine - Cooperative Extension: Parenting & Family Caregiving

Publications - Bulletin #4633, 5 Years

The Growing Years

5 Years

Prepared by Noelle Keyser, AmeriCorps VISTA member for University of Maine Cooperative Extension; supervision by Extension Child and Family Development Specialist Leslie Forstadt.

Reviewed by Home Visitor Laurie Dunton, Parents are Teachers, Too; Extension Child and Family Development Specialist Leslie Forstadt; Extension Parent Educator Pamela LaHaye; and Assistant Extension Professor Kate Yerxa.

For information about UMaine Extension programs and resources, visit extension.umaine.edu.
Find more of our publications and books at extensionpubs.umext.maine.edu.

The age of exploration

Your 5-year old has a quest for knowledge! He also enjoys experimentation and exploration, and all of this together means that he is more likely to become injured while he plays. Rules and guidelines are important, as are age-appropriate activities that he will enjoy. He will be in school very soon, and this comes with lots of new opportunities. This a time to seek out new activities, like 4-H, where he can join other 5 year olds as a Cloverbud. 4-H is a program of UMaine Cooperative Extension, just like The Growing Years. The 4-H website is extension.umaine.edu/4h/youth/5-8-years-old.

In 4-H, he can explore nature, animals, leadership, and participate in age-appropriate activities that will be challenging and fun.

At this age, 5-year-olds like to play games, but cooperative games are best, because winning and losing can become too much of a focus. Musical instruments such as the xylophone, maracas, and tambourine are great accompaniments to the songs they may sing.¹

Your child may be able to walk backwards heel to toe, catch a ball, cut coupons or pictures from magazines, bat a ball, skip, climb a slide, write numbers from one to five, and draw simple pictures that he first plans in his mind. He may lose a tooth.

He may surprise you when you first hear him say the days of the week in order, remember the date of his birthday, recite his address and phone number, and tell a simple story in order.

This is a wonderful age to have long conversations, and really get to know your child!

What’s it like to be 5 years old?

How I move

I enjoy activities requiring hand skills.

I can draw a recognizable person.

I am skilled and accurate with simple tools.

I can sit still for brief periods.

I enjoy jumping, running, and skipping.

I have adult-like posture in throwing and catching.

I have great physical drive.

I like dancing, and am rhythmic and graceful.

I sometimes roughhouse and fight.

I am well coordinated.

How I think

I am curious about everything.

I know my family’s last name and address.

I talk clearly about my ideas.

I am self-centered.

I like to be busy making things.

I make a plan before starting a project.

My attention span is 12 to 28 minutes long.

I can carry over play interests for more than one day.

I play on a realistic level in dramatic play.

I often use complete sentences.

I can count 10 objects.

How I get along with others

I am becoming self-confident.

I copy adult behavior and act grown-up.

I am aware of rules and define them for others.

I play in groups of two to five children.

I am less competitive than at age 4.

I am sensitive to teasing and get hurt feelings easily.

I like the companionship of adults.

I have to be right.

I am sociable and like to visit.

I may get wild, silly, and giggly.

Preparing your child for school³

You have taught your child more than you realize. You have helped him learn basic survival skills. You have taught him to feed himself, cross a street, and get along with others. By teaching your child language, you have given him the foundation for all later learning.

You have also given him attitudes toward school and education. Those attitudes are far more important than numbers and letters. Attitudes determine how your child feels about school and how hard he tries. Making sure that he forms positive attitudes is one of your most important tasks.

Getting butterflies

Most young children are eager to go to school. They talk and talk and talk about it. They want to learn how to read, and they are anxious to please and do well. In fact, most children feel so excited that they begin to get “butterflies” inside.

Children may be . . .

worried about their parents. “Will Daddy leave me there and never come back?”

nervous about being with strangers. “Who will play with me?”

scared about going to a new place. “How will I find kindergarten? What if I get lost?”

afraid that they will not fit in. “But I can’t read yet.”

Parents, too, feel excited. You have looked forward to this time as well. You see your child growing up and becoming independent. Yet, you may be apprehensive.

Parents may be . . .

upset about leaving their child. “Will he miss me? Will he cry?”

nervous about their child’s health and safety. ”Will he be worn out from riding the bus so long?”

anxious for their child to succeed. ”Did I do enough to prepare him?”

unsure of their new responsibilities. ”What will his school expect of me?”

Even if your child has been in school settings before, like playgroups, nursery school, or day care, the start of formal schooling is still a new experience for both of you. Like any big change, it brings nervousness as well as joy.

To make the change easier for you and your child, there is some homework that you can do:

Visit the classroom where your child will be.

Find out what the school expects of you.

Become involved in his school.

Learning about your child’s school program and your new role as a school parent may help you in two ways. It may ease your worries and fears. It also may help you do a better job preparing your child.

A lesson plan for parents

As a parent, you have been helping your child develop the skills and attitudes needed in school. However, right before your child starts school, he needs some special preparation. For example, your child needs to learn new skills such as waiting in line. Some schools begin testing in kindergarten. Preparing him for these experiences gives both you and your child confidence and direction. Below are a few things that you can do to help your child adjust to school more easily.

Talk about what he will do in school.

Find out what he expects.

Clear up misconceptions, such as, “But I can’t read yet.”

Describe activities that he will do in school. Discuss why they are important.

Explain some rules he will have to follow in school and why they are necessary.

Talk about the purpose of tests, that the teacher is asking him what he knows.

Take your child to visit the school.

Walk or ride the route to school.

Explore the halls.

Look around the classroom and point out different things.

Watch what children are doing.

Find the bathroom.

Look for the nurse’s office.

Play on the playground.

Draw a map of the route to school.

Draw a picture of the school.

Take a photo of your child at school.

Talk about what you saw.

Introduce your child to people at school.

Introduce him to the teacher and principal.

Ask him what he thought of his new teacher and talk with him about it.

Explain who other people are,like custodians, secretaries, and assistant teachers.

Invite a few of your child’s future classmates home to play and get acquainted.

Help your child prepare to like school and learning.

Find out why your child thinks school is important.

Explain why you think school is important.

Share some of your good experiences in school.

Show your child how skills learned in school can be used in later life.

Explain how the teacher will help your child learn.

Start a school scrapbook to record important events and progress.

Of course, your job will not be over the day your child enters school. He will continue to need preparation each year he joins a new classroom or school. He needs your enthusiasm and interest in education, and he always needs your confidence in his ability to learn.

Q & A

My 5-year-old seems to be getting smarter every day! However, I’m worried that she’s not advanced enough for kindergarten. What skills does she need?

Your child is probably more ready than you think! You may think that she isn’t ready because she doesn’t know all her ABCs or can’t identify all colors of the rainbow.

Your child should be able to . . .

show excitement and willingness to learn and try new things.

listen and pay attention, such as listening to a story or listening to directions.

be independent with things like using the bathroom alone, hanging up her jacket, or taking her shoes off and putting them back on.

play well with other children. This includes being able to say what she is feeling, and knowing what sharing is.

hold and use crayons, scissors, and pencils.

speak so that others can understand her. This includes saying her words clearly and loudly enough. It also includes having enough words in her vocabulary that she can describe her world and events.

Contact the kindergarten your child will be attending before it’s time to go to school. They may have different requirements. They may have an open house day, where you can ask teachers questions. Some kindergartens even have screenings that you can bring your child to, to find out whether she is ready.

Growing mind and body

Your 5-year-old isn’t growing as quickly as she was a few years ago. She may be more advanced physically, mentally, and emotionally, but she isn’t done growing just yet.

Height and weight

Since your child was 2, she’s grown about 2 1/2 inches taller each year. She’s also gained 4 to 5 pounds each year. The U. S. Department of Agriculture has developed MyPyramid, a nutrition guide that’s similar to the old Food Guide Pyramid. For growth charts and to learn more about things that influence growth (like genes and nutrition), visit their website at www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/Growth/index.html.⁴

Nutrition

Your 5-year-old needs to eat small but frequent meals to have enough energy for growth and other activities. Mid-morning and mid-afternoon nutritious snacks are important for her physical development. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and protein are the most important parts of her daily meals, as well as 2 cups of milk (or other dairy) a day.⁵ The MyPyramid website has a “MyPyramid Plan” where you can put in your child’s age, height, and weight, and get recommendations for snacks and meals during the day.

Vision

A 5-year-old’s vision is not completely mature. Due to the shape of her eyeballs, she is farsighted—she can see far things more clearly than near things. Her depth perception (the ability to judge how far away things are) is developing, and she is getting ready to read. Your child’s school may do vision screenings, but it is also a good idea to get her a full eye exam by an eye doctor before she starts going to school. School screenings do not always test for close-up vision, which is what is used for reading.⁶

Teeth

Some children may lose their first tooth around 5 years old. Other children will not lose a tooth until much later. Even if your child still has only baby teeth, it is important for her to learn good tooth-brushing habits. If her baby teeth decay and fall out before they’re supposed to, there may not be space for her adult teeth to come in. If her baby teeth decay and stay in, she may be in pain, and infection can spread. Help your 5-year-old brush her teeth twice every day with a soft-bristled brush and a pea-sized amount of toothpaste.⁷

Remember that all children develop at their own pace. Look for your child’s growth in each area. Then you can encourage each new skill.

Mental growth

Your child is growing in terms of how she sees the world and how she thinks about it. She can understand complex concepts like age, time, and space, and is good at learning.

By 5 years old, your child probably . . .

points to and names four to six colors.

draws, names, and describes her pictures.

counts and touches four or more objects.

“reads” pictures.

likes to finish activities.

is interested in differences between death and life.

can pick out similarities and differences in pictures.

listens to long stories but may misunderstand the facts.

begins to distinguish between fact and fantasy.

tells tall tales, brags, and compliments herself.

tattles, makes up excuses or alibis, and calls people names.

asks when, how, and why questions.

plays with words (like creating her own rhyming words).

Emotional growth

Your 5-year-old’s emotions can be very intense. She reacts strongly to small events as well as more significant ones. She may demonstrate sympathy for members of her family and yet become angry when she trips over her own toys. Although she shows her emotions often, negative moods usually do not last long.

Now that your child is older, she has greater control over her behavior. She is learning to ask for what she wants rather than grabbing it from another child. She is maturing and changing in the area of emotional development.⁸

Talking with your 5-year-old⁹

For a 5-year-old, the most important people in his life are his parents or caregivers. You provide answers to all of his questions. It is from you that he will learn the most information about his world, and find his way in it. You can help him by talking with him openly and often. Here are some ideas for keeping the communication going between you and your child.

Be interested and attentive.Your child can tell whether he has your interest and attention by the way you listen and reply or don’t reply. Forget about the telephone and other distractions. Maintain eye contact to show that you are really listening him. Showing interest in a child and his activities will encourage him to express his feelings and make him feel important. Get down on his level; don’t stand and tower above him.

Encourage talking. Some children need an invitation to start talking. You might begin with, “Tell me about your day at school.” Children are more likely to share their ideas and feelings when others think they’re important. They tend to feel very close to an adult who, by expressing concern and caring, gets them talking about themselves.

Extend conversation.Ask children the kinds of questions that will require more than yes or no or right answers. Simple questions such as, “What is the dog’s name?” often lead a conversation to a dead end. But questions such as, “What do you like about the dog?” or, “What other dogs have you played with?” may extend the conversation. If your child says, “I like to listen to stories,” then you in your response should use some of the same wording he used. “What are some of the stories you like best?” If he says, “’Jack and the Beanstalk,’“ your response could be, “What happens in ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ that you like hearing about?” Avoid asking too many questions, though. Sometimes adults ask question after question and it can be overwhelming! Provide some of your own information as well. For example, you could say, “I think Jack was very brave for climbing up the beanstalk.”

Listen patiently.Children often take longer than adults to find the right word. Listen as though you have plenty of time. Hurrying your child or calling attention to his use of the wrong word while he is talking is upsetting and confusing. Avoid cutting him off before he has finished speaking. Avoid correcting grammar or pronunciation. As a parent you can set an example of consideration by waiting your turn to speak.

Reflect feelings. Sometimes just reflecting your child’s feelings back to him encourages him to tell you what’s on his mind. Saying, “You’re really feeling sad today, aren’t you?” is more likely to invite a child to share and confide his feelings than asking, “What’s wrong?”

Re-stating or re-phrasing what your child said is useful when he is experiencing powerful emotions that he may not be fully aware of. If he says, “School is dumb! I hate it!” you can help him start understanding his emotions by saying, “It sounds like you’re pretty angry about something that happened at school today.”

Children need to learn that it is okay to have angry feelings but that it is not always okay to act on them. You might say, “I know you are mad at her for breaking your toy and you feel like hitting her, but say it with words. Don’t hit.”

Be an example.Children learn communication skills from the examples that they see and hear. Parents who listen to their children with interest, attention, and patience set a valuable example. The greatest audience children can have is an adult who is important to them and interested in them.

Social development¹⁰

Friends are not a luxury. They are a necessity!

Children need experiences with other children for social and emotional growth. Making friends comes naturally to many children, but for some children it takes lots of trial and error.

What can parents do?

Your child learns her first friendship skills from her relationship with you, the most important person in her life. When that relationship is based on trust, consistency, and support, children soon learn to use these qualities with other people they meet. You can help your child develop the skills she needs to make and keep friends.

Demonstrate good social skills yourself. Treating your own friends well shows her how much you value friendship.

Be specific when you talk about social skills with your child. If you say, “Be nice,” explain that it means smiling, saying “please” and “thank you,” and sharing. Violent behavior (hitting, biting, kicking, stealing, or swearing) is never acceptable.

Provide opportunities for her to practice social skills. Children do not learn just by seeing and talking about new information. They need “doing” experiences, too. For example, if your child acts loud and bossy, reply, “When you speak softly and say ‘please,’ then I will answer your question.”

Provide your child with many chances to play with neighborhood children, in playgroups, in preschool, and other places. The more practice they get using their new skills, the more their confidence grows.

Give positive and helpful feedback to your child. Notice when your child uses a social skill, like saying “please” and “thank you,” or asking, “Can I play with your truck?” rather than just taking it. Children respond well to rewards: give her a hug and a kiss and let her know what she did right. It will encourage more of that good behavior as she grows.

Resolving arguments peacefully

Socially healthy children are learning to be able to get along with others in a positive way, and when disagreements come up, to solve problems peacefully. Parents are the most powerful people in a young child’s life. Begin early and give your children the best start possible in their social relationships with love, attention, and a positive example.

Parents can help children learn to resolve conflicts:

Talk through your own problems calmly. Use arguments or disagreements as a chance to show peaceful ways of negotiating and compromising to children.

Step in sometimes to help children think of ways to solve problems when they are not getting along with others.

Practice “parental coaching.” Vary your level of supervision depending on your child’s age and needs, and step in when conflicts get too challenging for him to manage.

Maintain a friendly family environment and encourage your child to talk about his frustrations calmly, without fighting or yelling.

Be sensitive to times of transition or crisis that can upset children, such as divorce, separation, financial stress, or death. Your child may be more likely to get into arguments during times of stress.

Games for growing

Memory

This is a great activity for helping develop memory skills. Cut up some paper into card-sized pieces. Draw pairs of pictures, with one on each piece of paper. For instance, draw two rabbits as close to identical as you can, each one on a separate piece of paper. Then draw a pair of dogs, a pair of cats, etc. Draw about half a dozen picture pairs.

Mix the pictures up, then place them face down on the table. Have your child flip one over, then flip another over to see if it matches. If it doesn’t, the papers go face down again. Continue flipping, encouraging her to remember where certain pictures are. When she makes a match, they stay face up. She wins when she has made all the matches.

Picture story

Take a series of photographs of your child doing an activity, like getting ready for bed. Mix them up out of order, and then give them to your child. Ask her to put them in order, from the first step to the last step. The first step might be changing into pajamas, and the last step might be reading a story in bed. This will help her use her memory. It will also help her learn to tell stories even before she can read or write.

Toys for growing

Below are toys your child can use for many different kinds of play. Some of them are things that you can make with things you find around your house.

For active play

Assorted blocks

Balls and bean bags

Toys with wheels to push

Toys with strings to pull

A carpenter’s bench

Tools

A wheelbarrow

A sled

Crates and boxes

Short ladders and small sets of stairs for climbing

A bicycle

For dramatic and imaginative play

Clothing and jewelry to play dress-up

Dolls/action figures with accessories

Materials to play “house”

A play telephone

Puppets and a stage

Tents, forts, or “caves”

For creative and constructive play

Crayons and paper

Clay

Finger paints

Safety scissors

Construction sets

Colored cubes

Simple puzzles

Large wooden beads

Easel, paints, paper, brushes

Scrapbooks and pictures for pasting

Simple paper dolls with clothing

Wool for knitting, crocheting, or knot-tying

Simple cut-outs of shapes on paper or cloth

Musical instruments

Research references

¹North Dakota Extension Service, 1992. How Is Your Child Doing? Parenting Preschoolers series. Fargo, ND: North Dakota State University.

²Parlapiano, E. H., 2008. “Ready for Kindergarten?” Electronic version. Parent & Child Magazine. NY: Scholastic. Inc. http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=701 (accessed October 20, 2008).

³Oregon State University Extension Service,2006. Preparing Children for School. Corvallis, OR: Oregon State University.

⁴United States Department of Agriculture, 2009.Growth During the Preschool Years. Alexandria, VA: United States Department of Agriculture. www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/Growth/index.html (accessed August 18, 2009).

⁵United States Department of Agriculture, 2008. MyPyramid Plan. Alexandria, VA: United States Department of Agriculture. www.mypyramid.gov/mypyramid/index.aspx (accessed October 20, 2008).

⁶Beverstock, C., 1991. Your Child’s Vision Is Important. No. ED325806. Bloomington, IN: ERIC Document Reproduction Service. www.eric.ed.gov/ERICDocs/data/ericdocs2sql/content_storage_01/0000019b/80/22/95/b4.pdf (accessed October 20, 2008).

⁷Galewitz, P., 2003. “Protect your child’s teeth: 5 smart moves.” Redbook 200: 178. www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-22860453_ITM (accessed October 20, 2008).

⁸Fulton, A., 1999. Understanding Children: The Early Childhood Years. T-2368. Stillwater, OK: Cooperative Extension Service, Oklahoma State University.

⁹North Dakota Extension Service, 1992.Communicating With Your Child. Parenting Pipeline series. Fargo, ND: North Dakota State University.

¹⁰University of Georgia Cooperative Extension Service, 2001. Tips for Parents: Helping Children Make Friends. Athens, GA: University of Georgia.

Years 3–5 of The Growing Years are updated from The Growing Years, 1st ed., prepared by Extension Associate Pamela LaHaye, which was adapted and reprinted from two Extension publications: Parenting the First Year, a North Central Regional Extension Publication, number 321, produced by UW-Extension, Cooperative Extension, and Parent Express: A Month-by-Month Newsletter for You and Your Baby, produced by the University of California Cooperative Extension.

In addition, parts are reproduced and adapted with permission from: Del Campo, Diana, 2009. Months 36–54. Preprint. Just in Time Parenting series. Las Cruces, NM: New Mexico State Cooperative Extension. eXtension. www.parentinginfo.org/extension.php (accessed July 5, 2009).

Moving on from The Growing Years

Happy 5th year! Thank you for your subscription to The Growing Years. This is your last issue. We hope that you found these first five years a wonderful adventure, and that The Growing Years was a supportive part of it.

For more information, contact the University of Maine Cooperative Extension office in your county, or search for “parenting” on extension.umaine.edu for articles and our blog. You can also visit “Just in Time Parenting” at www.eXtension.org.

We look forward to seeing you in 4-H or at other UMaine Cooperative Extension activities. As always, UMaine Extension wishes you all the best in your parenting.

He or she, him or her? This series gives equal time to both sexes. That’s why we take turns referring to children as “he” or “she.” Keep in mind that we are talking about all children when we use “he” or “she.”

Months 1 through 36 of The Growing Years are reproduced and adapted with permission from the Parenting the First Year series published by University of Wisconsin-Madison Extension. All rights reserved.

To contact us about The Growing Years, e-mail extension.thegrowingyears@maine.edu.

© 2011
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