Skip Navigation

Resources - 24 Coming Out Tips

24 Coming Out Tips

1. Never COME OUT during an argument or to hurt someone.
2. Never  COME OUT in a moving vehicle.
3. A person is more in-telligent than a group of people; COME OUT to people one at a time.
4. People who are ignorant may say things initially that they don’t realize are painful to hear.
5. Re-member they are simply unaware and in a state of surprise. They may already know.
6. COMING OUT in drag is a bit much [unless you really have the right shoes…]
7. People have to deal with [a] the issue of gay stuff and [b] you as a person [c] the combination of the two since you prob-ably don’t fit the stereo-type they have about gay people.
8. Be sober.
9. Don’t have your lover with you.  This is not “Let’s Make a Deal”—more surprises are not good.
10.  Be ready for them to need time and space to think about things be-fore any discussion takes place.
11.  Be ready for them to drill you with questions that may or may not offend you [see #4].
12.  Sometimes it’s easier to read about an issue than to admit you are uneducated.  Have a book, pamphlet, phone number, or other resource that can be called upon when you’re not around.
13.  It is your life to live, you only have one, and the bottom line is that you are going to continue living as a gay person no matter what their re-action is.
14.  It may not be a bad idea to have smell-ing salts handy.
15.  There are people who will never be supportive no matter what is said.
16.  If your audience had that deer in the head-lights look, don’t make any quick moves.
17.  Breathe. [Seriously.]
18.  No two COMING OUT experiences are ever the same.
19.  Don’t plan on doing anything else for the rest of the day/night.
20.  People will need a lot of time, for the most part, to really think about things.
21.  Always have an escape plan.  You may not need it, but if you do, you won’t be surprised.  Have a place to crash for the night, and money you can get to in case a worst-case scenario does occur.
22.  Have resources for you to call—you need sup-port too!
23.  Just because you COME OUT to someone once, doesn’t mean you won’t have to do it again, and again, and again.
24.  Do not try to answer questions about Richard Simmons, Rosie O’Donnell, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Richard Gere [or the gerbils], Oscar Wilde, the Spice Girls, Bert and Ernie, or anyone else.

Originally published in X Y Magazine by Clyde Berry


Back to Resources

LGBT Services
Memorial Union, Room 224
Orono, Maine 04469
Phone: 207-581-1439
The University of Maine
Orono, Maine 04469